That’s it, you just reconcile. You fought hard, but he / she decided to stay or even return. Yet, you feel bad. There’s something wrong, something that makes you push the argument. Every time you are afraid that everything is ruined, but each reconciliation, you’re not really relieved (e).
And if it was not normal? How do I know if it’s really over? How to save my marriage? In fact, what does anymore?
Save my marriage seeking my own happiness
According cartoons and books “if romantic” a couple is when two people forget all their personality and personal happiness for the beloved is happy and has everything he wants. Based on these beautiful theories, “love” would be only a total self-sacrifice for the well-being of the other. Well it’s true! It is impossible to love someone if you do not love yourself! Why? Simply because we spend more time with yourself than anyone else! Sure, love leads to happiness for the happiness of the other, but in fact, this is a schema selfish you are looking for the happiness of the other because his happiness makes YOU happy. And this is NORMAL!
If I want to save my marriage, I have to go in search of my own happiness.
You’re a couple because you’re better off with Nicolas Marion and that when he / she is not there, because you feel like her attraction for you and that you are proud of him / her. You love someone you love is reciprocal and that’s what you’re good together.
The usual pitfall of addiction to another
You cannot love someone if you have some self-esteem. Otherwise, you will fall into a dependency relationship that will make you very bad sour (e), frustrated (e) a more or less long term. If you spend your life trying to make the other happy without thinking of you, you will feel aggrieved (e) because it will never be perfectly reciprocal, because one day and live the happiness of another do enough more.
Happiness, you have to live it yourself. What matters is that you understand that you deserve, you are eligible, and you are able to do these things to your heart. And if you are in the situation of being loved by another, then explain to your partner that he must live for and by himself! Because nobody can ever replace the natural need for self-love. You should not throw in the other that you want to receive you! And a note to parents: This is exactly the same with your children!
People do not change …
Yes, this too is a myth! You are born with a list of traits that you own. Attention, they are neither defects nor qualities! For example, the toughness is a positive, negative, resulting in stubbornness.
It’s like your hair: if you are born brown, you will never be blond or red hair. You can certainly you dye your hair, but it will not be natural brown roots will always be … And your character is like. You can modulate but not change beyond recognition.
You agree and accept your partner! And also you accept fully, without half measures! Be yourself, make an effort to stay attractive and tolerant, but if you like, you stop wanting to change the other.
But … they work!
It seems contradictory, not at all. You are brown. You accepted. You do not will change. But cons, you can change your hairstyle! Child, you had the bowl cut, teen, peaks and fluorescent strands, young, long hair, now you feel better in the most classic. Over time, you evolved your goals have changed direction slightly. It is characteristic of human beings: our desires, our dreams, following our mental evolution.
This is why you may not recognize or understand your partner more, after some time spent together. You / the thought well organized (e), give him / her discover frankly manic, he / she will believe dreamer, he / she will now blame your messy side …
Why save her marriage?
For a couple takes, it is imperative to continue to seek its own evolution, to accept that of the other, and frequently revisit what it means for both. If you were put together by deciding not to have children and the other parent will suddenly become a family of six kids, there may be a problem!
To really know where you’re going, ask yourself questions regularly. What is negotiable and what really is not for you. You must stand firm on these things non-negotiable, and accept those of your partner. If you see that it is not compatible, it’s time to consider your future.
We must adapt and be able to remain open. But we can not and must not deny our nature. Save the couple a temporary crisis of misunderstanding or destructive routine is important and it’s worth it. But buried in a castrating relationship is bad for two people.