If you are not yet a father or mother and you want to know if you have courage to do so, here are 10 lessons to prove, with a dash of humor, of course. At the end of the day, babies do not come with an instruction manual and underarm use. It is therefore very important that they are released as parents, know what role will this wonderful henceforth exercise.
1) To live the experience of pregnancy: a bag of chickpeas cuélgate up to the belly, adding a handful every day for nine months. After nine months, open the bag and remove 90 percent of the beans.
2) Before launching into have children, find a couple who already has them and put them through study. Criticizes their methods to discipline lack of patience, his tolerance lousy and green Put them for allowing their children to behave like savages. Suggests ways to improve the performance of the child s bedtime go to pee or eat. Enjoy, is the last time you’ll have all the answers.
3) To get an IDEA of how will the night, get a wet cushion between 4 and 6 kilos, and crosses the room taking him in his arms, without sitting down, from 5 pm to 10 pm. At 10pm loose cushion, set the alarm to sound at 12 and sleeps. When the alarm clock rings 12, get up and walk back to the cushion around the room while singing lullabies in the dark. Repeat at 2 AM to 4 AM and at 6 PM. Optional: at 4 am can drive around with the pillow. Keep this up for 5 years. Always put a good face.
4) Is it possible to put up with the children in the house? To find out, spread Nutella on the sofa and jam on the curtains. Hide a piece of battered fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the pots and then drag the walls cleaner. Draw up the stains with crayons. Purchase 5 Doberman puppies and let them romp in the bedroom.
5) Dressing a toddler is simple: First, buy an Octopus, ask the grocer a net bag and tries to enter the octopus into the bag so that none of the tentacles out through the holes in the network. Do not worry, you can spend all morning.
6) School-age children: keep a box of eggs (empty). Using scissors and markers, turn it into a funny crocodile. Now board tetra-brick container, a ping pong table and a empty cereal box and build an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Start this job at 11 at night, that would be the time when he learns that IS TOMORROW. Excellent! Now wait for the teacher criticism.
7) Change the two-door car by a truck. And do not wash anymore. After all, a family car, with no resale value. Buy a chocolate ice cream and squash it on the glove. Put two coins of 10 cents in the compact. Buy a family package of sugar cookie .. Mash them a good time on the rear seats. Out of the car, and spider both sides of the vehicle with the key. Perfect!
8) Go to the supermarket. Take with you the closest thing I found to a child under four years (one adult goat is ideal). If you plan to have more than one child, carries two goats loose Make the purchase for a week without losing sight of the goats. Hold discussions with supermarket security managers, rising through the ranks (but always without losing sight of the goats). When you get the manager, supermarket changes.
9) Feed him a child. Buy a melon, empty, and tie a small hole in the side. Hang it from the ceiling and give a blow to rocking. Now take a plate with mashed pumpkin … Try to get inside scoops of mashed melon while pretending to be an airplane. Keep trying to finish half of the puree. The rest, pour over his lap, and scatters enough on the ground.
10) The toilet of the creature. Get an adult cat (preferably street or semi-wild). Put yourself on your best suit if male or stockings and high heels if female. Fill the tub with warm water and rubber toys. Then enter the cat and wash with shampoo. Then rinse and dry with a towel, follow the procedure described previously with octopus and mesh bag. Repeat every night for five years.
