divorce-and-childrenHow parents can help children understand their separation?

The separation of a couple is always complicated, especially when there are children involved. Children are often the most vulnerable family and therefore, those who suffer most from their parents’ decision to separate. Although the separation is just the couple, it is inevitable that children are involved in this decision. It depends on the attitude and support of parents to preserve their children’s suffering.

Considering this is a problem that increasingly in our society increases, the Community of Madrid, in Spain, has published a guide to address the breakdown of the couple without harming the children. Jose Manuel Aguilar Cuenca, psychologist and author of the guide, advises parents to that address separation with sufficient maturity, in a peaceful and respectful, assuming that the stability of their children depends largely on them.

Some lines of action for separating parents

1. Parents should help their children to understand that their habits will change and they will have to build their new routines. Children should get used to having one or the other, in homes and different occasions. Normality in the lives of parents cause normalcy in the lives of children.

2. You cannot ignore that emotions often revolts in the family when there is a separation of the couple. Parents should help their children to understand that feelings such as insecurity, fear or discouragement can appear and how they can control them. Parents should guide their own feelings in order to help your children then do the same.

3. Parents should make it clear to their children that the parents divorce, children do not.

4. Parents should avoid taking negative feelings, comments disparaging to his ex-partner. That can cause a lot of harm and discomfort to children and can alter their behavior, eating or sleeping.

5. Parents who after separation are forced to take on tasks and responsibilities that had never before, and even financial constraints should be aware that what their children need most is care, support, his presence, affection, love … We must recognize and accept the new reality rather than ruminate what no longer be changed. Children can read the face, silence and feelings of their parents.

6. Parents should talk to their children about their separation without too many explanations and without attributing blame. You can not underestimate the ability of their children to understand what is happening. It is important that children know that their parents will continue to stand and be available when they need them.

7. Children are not parents therapy, not even the staff on which they are based. When more cost to parents over the break, the more it will cost you assume your child.

8. Parents should be aware of changes in behavior of children. See if something has changed in your eating habits, sleep and study. There is no reason for alarm. If parents are adamant in their education and care, everything will return to normal in no time. You can not roll over in excess nor let the children do what they want.

9. Not the same separation of parents and older children under three years of age. Younger children have difficulty understanding what happens between her parents. It is therefore very important to reiterate his presence and not feel unable to help you. From 3 to 7 years, children already understand what the separation and may express their pain with tummy aches or head, tantrums, etc.. From the age of seven children through adolescence usually displayed outraged, angry and mad by the separation of their parents. Parents should stop these behaviors so they do not become more severe, imposing their views and not disavowing among themselves.

10. Parents should avoid fighting among themselves. Living forces faced hate and hate brings nothing to the children. They should avoid putting too much pressure on the children, preventing, for example, that have some relationship with the new partner of his former partner or spouse to speak ill of another.