Premature Ejaculation – When Should it Be Something to Worry About?
One… Two… Three. Four, five, six…. Ah. There we go. Did the earth move for you, darling?
Premature ejaculation. It can be embarrassing and confidence destroying. It’s even the subject of many a joke. “When is premature ejaculation serious? When it happens between saying hello and how are you.” Hilarious. Which also consequently means that like erectile dysfunction (when you struggle to achieve and maintain an erection) it’s not often talked about.
Yet at some point in our lives, many of us have experienced it. Either on the giving end or the receiving end. I have, on the receiving end, and, yes, it can be a bit frustrating. But take it from someone who knows, talking about this kind of things helps enormously, especially if you’re in a relationship.
I Came, But I Didn’t Conquer
Premature ejaculation means to ejaculate shortly after sexual stimulation or penetration. Generally, this means ejaculating within a minute or two, or that your orgasm is impossible to delay or control. To officially have premature ejaculation or PE, is to experience this issue each, or most times you have sexual contact. If you experience it for the first few times with a new partner, or it’s sporadic, then its nothing to worry about at all.
It’s estimated that around 30% of men have PE. The majority are men under the age of 35 but it can affect men of any age. So you’re far from alone. You might have already been looking around the internet for advice. Hence reading this article. So you probably know the images used to depict it. A straight, white couple in bed, crisp white sheets, not a hair out of place. He’s got his head in his hands on the edge of the bed, she’s laying there solemnly, perhaps even with her arms folded. But guys, I promise you, PE can happen to anyone. Black, white. Gay, straight. Young, old. On crisp white sheets, or at a bus stop.
And despite what we might hear down the pub or see in the movies, the average sexual encounter lasts around six or seven minutes. So if yours are lasting one or two, it might make you feel better to know that you’re not that far off what the next bloke is doing. But, that said, it’s a distressing condition, and it may even be putting you off having a sex life at all.
The Causes of Premature Ejaculation
There are a number of reasons why you might have PE. Many of them have psychological roots, and probably the most common is being worried about your performance. Or, you might have inadvertently ‘trained’ yourself to finish quickly, as a result of frequently trying to get to the end before you’re caught masturbating as a youngster or because you’ve been told that it’s a dirty or shameful habit. (It’s neither, by the way. And whilst we’re on that subject, how many guys do you know who’ve actually gone blind or developed hairy palms as a direct result of self-pleasure? None, I’m willing to bet.) It can also be attributed to traumatic sexual experiences from being humiliated by a partner to sexual abuse.
These are examples of what can cause what’s known as ‘lifelong’ premature ejaculation. It’s probably bothered you since you started becoming sexually active and it may be so severe that you ejaculate before you’ve even got your pants off.
Stress can also cause PE, or a change in circumstances such as a new job, house or even partner. As can a heavy dependence on drugs and/or alcohol. It’s likely to start during a stressful period and may sort itself out over time. This is known as ‘acquired’ premature ejaculation. This kind of PE can also be caused by physical issues such as a super sensitive penis. Medical conditions such as prostatitis, diabetes, high blood pressure, thyroid problems and chronic pelvic pain can also contribute.
Sometimes you may not know why it happens, or it could be a combination of different reasons.
The Serious Side of PE
Although generally not a serious medical condition, jokes aside, if your PE is making you feel depressed, then it’s important to see your GP. Also, if it suddenly starts happening to you, and you can’t think of a reason why, then again, it’s best to talk to your GP as it could be a symptom of an underlying health condition, for example, a prostate infection called prostatitis. This is especially the case if you notice spots of blood in your semen.
Good Guys Don’t Always Come First
Assuming you’ve ruled out anything sinister, the brilliant news is that there are lots of different things you can try to help overcome PE.
The first is to relax. Easier said than done though, right? You have the hottest specimen of your life laying on your bed/sofa/kitchen worktop/floor and I’m telling you to chill out?
But honestly, take it from me, most of us aren’t expecting a porn-worthy production of epic proportions, so just relax. Have a drink if that helps, but not so many that you’re more Mr. Bean than Mr. Universe.
The next thing is to find yourself a partner who isn’t going to shame you out of the bedroom. In my experience, I knew that anything other than being understanding would’ve blown things completely. And literally. Besides, sex isn’t just about hiding the sausage anyway, is it? There’s plenty of other things you can do if you do orgasm early and have the wherewithal to carry on, using other means of course.
However, I hear you. That’s satisfying for your partner. What about you? Or what if you don’t want one partner, you want to have a bit of fun, play the field?
So next on my advice list is to try masturbating to ejaculation a couple of hours before you plan to have sex with someone. Given, this is tricky if the event is unplanned. I’m not suggesting you pop to the toilet of a nightclub and sort yourself out. That could lead to your arrest, and I’m guessing there’s no bigger passion killer. But if you have a hot date, having an orgasm before you meet up could mean things are a little less speedy later on.
Behavioral Techniques for PE
On the subject of masturbation, there’s a couple of techniques you can try adding in here too. There’s the squeeze technique and the stop-start technique. Both can be mastered through masturbation then if you like, practiced with a partner. The squeeze technique involves squeezing the head of your penis when you feel like you’re about to orgasm and holding it until the urge has passed. Wait a minute or so then begin masturbating again until you almost ejaculate but stop it by squeezing again. Continue several times, then allow yourself to orgasm.
The stop-start technique is similar, but instead of squeezing at the point of orgasm, stop all sexual stimulation. Again, continue several times then allow your happy ending. Both techniques help the control element of premature ejaculation.
Medications for PE
These behavioral techniques can be used on their own, or alongside some medical help. Numbing creams, such as EMLA cream applied to the tip of the penis helps reduce sensitivity and delay orgasm. It’s the same stuff as you might have had applied to your arm to numb it before having a blood test or injections as a kid. Such creams should be applied around half an hour before sex and should be removed before actually having sex. This, of course, removes any spontaneity but there are also condoms available that have a small amount of a numbing cream present in the tip.
There’s also a tablet available called Priligy (you may also see it called dapoxetine, it’s drug name). This is used to dampen down your sexual excitement hormones, causing you to maintain your sexual prowess for longer. It needs to be taken an hour or so before sex, so again, it requires some planning, but its effects could last up to 12 hours. Meaning that a sleepover could well be on the cards….
PE Medications Online
Both EMLA and Priligy are available on prescription, but you might struggle to get either from your NHS GP. Online doctors are your best bet, which can be highly professional and trustworthy places. But please, heed my advice.
Before you buy something off the internet to help the little guy, make sure it’s the real deal. There are plenty of decent bona fide sites around. Look for sites carrying logos such as those from the Care Quality Commission (the UK healthcare regulator) and the Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (the MHRA, the watchdog overseeing the registration of authorized online sellers of medicine). Recognisable high street pharmacy chains are an excellent choice. Elsewhere, if anything seems suspicious or cheap, it probably is. And my advice is to avoid buying medicines online from overseas. (See also: Things to Consider When Buying Male Enhancement Supplements)
PE doesn’t have to be something that rules your life. Watch out for anything serious, like blood, and with a little effort, and some fun practice, it can be managed. Meaning you could well become the stud you always knew you should be.
International Andrology London offers the latest treatments in men’s healthcare. Our clinic is a proud member of International Andrology (IA), an international collaborative network of the leading practitioners of Andrology.